Motherhood and Beyond

To be a mom is the most rewarding job in the whole world. But it can also be the most difficult. Motherhood and Beyond is peeping into the world of being a mom, but at the same time a wife, a friend and much more. Life doesn't always go easy and some may not know it now, but there is nothing more precious than life. So I welcome you to join us. Follow in our daily routines, our special activities and just enjoy the ride!! TO MOTHERHOOD AND BEYOND!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Back again

I know it has been awhile since I have blogged. Things kind of took over in my life that were more important, school, work, kids, family and me time. I have missed blogging like crazy. I tried to journal for a while, but I hate writing. I can type much faster, and I can type pretty much anywhere I go. For example, this post I am doing from work! I get bored, have a few minutes and quick punch out a few paragraphs and by the end of the day, I have a full post that I can just put on when I get home. I think this is going to be my daily routine now.
So to catch up on family......

Ryan is doing very well. He has enjoyed a summer and so far, a fall full of amazing days to ride his motorcycle. We have gone on a few rides that have really been fun for the two of us to enjoy together. He has kept himself busy with the kids and with extra work on the side. He loves to be outside and I know this winter is going to drive him nuts if it is as bad as last year. But he has his Netflix movies he can watch this year, so I am sure that will keep him occupied during the long cold months that winter is going to be bringing us.
Damon is now in 1st grade.  He is growing up so fast, it takes me by surprise to really see how much he has grown in the last few months.  We finall got school pictures back and to look back at the growth with his three year preschool and now the 1st grade, he has matured from such a little boy, to such a little man. He reads so well now and can really pick up on things like signs and words on boxes at the grocery store. He is constantly reading and trying to learn as much as he can about everything. He loves to play the Wii and the DS. But he would much rather be outside riding his bike! He will be turning seven in a few months, and it is just amazing how my first born is turning into such a good person.  Damon also has a new journey this year, he is starting Boy Scouts! Well, Cub Scouts really, but it still is boy scouts.  I don't approve of the Boy Scout leaders that say certain people aren't allowed to participate, but I want my son to really understand the joys of a troop, the fun they can have using nature, instead of just sitting around playing games all the time. I want him to use his imagination and really have fun with this. He also is starting wrestling this fall and I can't wait to see how well he does with that. I know he has a lot of energy and I think this is something he could easily do to really harness the energy and use it towards a goal.

Lili is now in kindergarten. She is my diva, my princess and my baby. She has grown so much as well, transforming into such a little girl.  She does so well at school and I am so proud of the person she is becoming. Sure, she can be difficult, but boy is she just like her mother. She is very independent and I am proud of that. I don't want her to be dependent on other people. I want her to stand on her own two feet and know the world is hers for the taking. I want her to be proud to be herself and for the most part, I think she is. She is very attached to her cat, Purrsia. She starts Girl Scouts this year and proudly, I am the leader of her troop!!! I am excited for this journey together with her, even if it only lasts for a few years. She played tball for the first time this past summer, and I can already tell she isn't going to be much of a sports person, like Damon. She likes it, but not near as much as her music and dance. Even though I didn't put her in dance class this year, she still does really well at dancing around the house. Maybe this spring I will enroll her.
And now for me.....
Well, I guess for me nothing really has changed much. I am going to keep a surrogacy blog, and will attach it to this one, but I am not sure how I want to do that yet. The journey is so amazing. I really am helping two people who couldn't be more amazing and perfect for me. As much as it sucked, the first try ended in a negative beta. It has been very difficult to deal with that, but things are getting better. I just want this to work so badly for them....that when things don't go as planned, it has been making it harder and harder to push through, but I keep pushing because I didn't have to struggle to have my children. My children were born naturally, with no medications, and it was all really easy.  I push myself because this is not my dream, I want my guys to be dads. I want to see the look on their faces when they are handed their children for the first time. 

So now that I am back to blogging, I can't wait to really tell my story, really get out how I feel instead of just holding it inside. I miss blogging and hoping that I can do a post every day. This is the first, not the last......

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Working from Home Series, part 2 Surveys C-E

Two weeks has passed since my last blog post. For that I apologize. Life has been hectic, I work 12 hours a day, come home to TBall or swimming for the kids, then supper, baths and bed for them. Then I log into my online college courses, do homework and crash around 1am. Only to get up at 7 and do the same thing again the next day.

Finally things are starting to slow down and I am able to catch up where I last left off.  So in the second part of the series, I am going more into the world of surveys.

My mother introduced me to surveys before I had kids. I was bored at home with just a part time job and needing something to keep me busy while I was at home. So I started doing the surveys that she did. I created accounts of my own and doing surveys every day for weeks. I had points racked up, got some great prizes and even won a GPS unit from one of them.

So here is the next set of survey sites that I think you should check out if you are looking for some extra income or some great ways to earn things like gift cards or gear for your house.  I do not belong to all of these, but most I do. Some pay with cash, some pay with points in which you trade in for things like gift cards or gifts. This list will go from the letter C to the letter E.

om ©
Clear Voice Surveys
Clarion Web Panel
Clorox Advisors
Caregivers Advisory Panel(TCAP®)
Digital Research Panel
Doggie Fun Product Testing Site
Drug Voice
Datatelligence Online
Elite Opinion
e-Rewards Survey Site
Epinions T

Friday, June 25, 2010

Working From Home Series, part 1 SURVEYS

 Many people have asked me how to find the work at home things that I participate in. So I thought I would put something up for all you mommies out there in cyber-land to get you in on the goods!!!

First things first, never EVER pay to work. If it is legitimate, you shouldn't be paying to work. In some cases like Avon or Beachbody you have to pay monthly dues to have access to their marketing tools and websites. But in cases of mom's wanting to stay at home, you shouldn't be paying a website to work.  Also, never give out any information unless you can verify that the information is going to a source that is important and trustworthy.

So this post will be the first in a series of work at home ideas.  I will start simple, only because I don't have a huge amount of time tonight. So this series is going to be based on surveys and the ones that are worth taking, the crap ones and the really super amazing ones to get in on.  I of course, will be benefiting from this post because all links that I will be providing are my personal links. So when you click and sign up, I will get something in return. This is a huge impact in the survey community and this his how many people get so much out of these survey companies. By signing up everyone on their Facebook account gives them tons of points and all of that. Many survey companies will only give you so many referrals now so I will post my links and no matter what they will give you access to the information, and I will get my maximum amount of referrals to the company.

Okay so here is the list of current survey companies who allow you to sign up and take surveys. These surveys are sent to you via email, postal mail and some are even over the phone. This list is from A-B. I am trying to break it into groups so my posts aren't lost in links!

20/20 Research
Advanced Focus
AC Nielsen's Homescan Consumer Panel
Avery Advisors
Alpha Buzz
Advantage Research ©
American Consumer Opinion©
Acronis Beta Testing
AnswerNet MRC
Atkins Research Group Inc.
Adler-Weiner Research • Focus Groups in Chicago, IL and Los Angeles, CA.
Amplitude Research
AOL Opinion Place
Advocate Advisory Panel
African American Voice
Boulder Focus Center • Focus Groups in Boulder, CO. Street Solutions
Big Fish Games ~ Computer Gaming Surveys & Research
Brand Institute
Beta Research Corporation
BeginSurvey Inc.
Blarry House Research
Bellwether Surveys
BRX Research

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Start Rite Shoes!!!

Since my children could walk the biggest problem we have had is finding shoes that not only fit, but look good and last a long time.  I am never worried about brand names with my kids, but more worried about quality. My kids are constantly on the go, outside riding bikes, playing at recess and taking walks with me and Ryan.  And trying to find shoes that are not only comfortable but last a while is such a hard thing to do especially in Ida Grove.

We have one shoe store and the prices are unreal. I can't afford $70 shoes for my kids, especially when they out grow them in less than 6 months and the shoes just don't stay nice enough to spend that much money on.  The only other place in town that sells shoes is a place called Pamida. This is like a pre-Walmart type of store. They have nice shoes, but the quality is not great and the prices are not really that great either. Sometimes you can get them on sale, but they last like four months and start to fall apart.  I cannot have my children's shoes falling apart when they are constantly on their feet! I need strong support for their growing little toes!!!

So I was told to check out this website:
These shoes are AMAZING!!!! Just check out some of the cute styles they have for not only girls but boys as well! And the selection is just awesome. You can find shoes for every event, from school shoes to rain boots! The prices are great, the selection is even better and they have these awesome sales that really get you some good deals. Right now there is even a contest to win free shoes for a YEAR. I am not joking, free shoes for a YEAR!

As a mom, you can't get better than good shoes at great prices with the best selection around! You can order shoes and have them shipped to just about any part of the world you want! So if you are looking for some great shoes, great prices with great quality, check out the website.  I am glad that I did and I can't wait for the shoes to get here! Lili even picked out her own pair to wear. Oh yea...and if you worry about sizing, they even have a tool that you can get to size your child's feet at home!!! No more sitting in those uncomfortable end booths trying on pair after pair of shoes with running, screaming children all around.

boy's shoes

Saturday, June 19, 2010

Father's Day

Growing up, Father's Day always meant Dad getting to get up early, and go fishing all day long with nobody bothering him. And when he arrived home, a huge meal was ready with his favorite foods and we all had to leave Dad alone the rest of the night. The day was his.  But his alone.  We didn't celebrate except for the early morning gifts made at home or bought by Mom on our weekly grocery shopping trip without Dad.

Now that we have kids of our own Father's Day has such a different meaning. My husband doesn't get to run off all alone on that day.  We celebrate with a huge breakfast while he is getting to sleep in.  Then we spend the day together as a family celebrating the joy of him being a father.

I have noticed that Father's Day like many other holidays has gotten to be so commercialized. Huge electronic gifts, grills or cars for dad. What happened to fishing lures or a box of his favorite candy?  And people wonder why they are broke all the time. 

If more families took out the gifts, they could save THOUSANDS of dollars a year.  Birthdays, anniversaries, or special holidays like Mothers/Fathers Day are not meant for giving extravegent gifts. They are meant to be celebrated with family and friends. They are meant as a celebration of life. Not about gift giving.

This year my husband is getting a package of his favorite licorice and homemade cards from the kids as well as a nice big breakfast.  And then we will spend the day enjoying our family. Sure he might get to lay in bed and watch a movie, but he deserves that. He works 50 plus hours a week and still comes home and finds time to play with the kids or do a load of laundry.

I love him for being such a wonderful father. I couldn't ask for more!

T-Ball and the FENCE

So Damon had another T-ball game on Friday night.  The teams are getting to be such good players, remembering to throw to first base, running home when the last batter hits and the most important part, teamwork.

Being my son, we always knew that he would be the one to get hurt, somehow, no matter what the event, he would be the one to get hurt.  So far he has not let us down!  And Friday was no different.

Now you may be thinking, oh the ball must have hit him or he fell down running the bases. NOPE!  The poor child was chasing after the ball and ran INTO the fence, splitting open his forehead and leaving a nice little bruise as well.  Of course he was upset that he didn't see the fence and was embarrassed but he got up, shook it off and went back to first base.

Everyone clapped for him and he felt a little bad that he completely missed the ball.  But the game continued and he forgot all about it.

Going to my children's activities has always been so much fun. The only downer about going to these activities is the other people that are there.  Some who bring family drama, some who come already drunk or some who don't show up at all but we hear about their non-presence throughout the entire game.
As a parent, I am ashamed of all the parents who come to these games to socialize and not cheer their child on.  Why put your child into a sport if you aren't going to support them.  Stand up and cheer when they are running bases, know when to keep quiet, like right when they are getting ready to swing the bat you don't scream something at your child.

Growing up I never realized how inconsiderate other parents really are and always wondered why my parents didn't have many friends in the town we lived in. But now as a parent, I realize that how people act in public really makes or breaks a friendship.  Some of the people at the ball game were not even paying attention to the game and their children were playing.  I am not asking parents to get right up to the fence and cheer and scream loudly for their children.  But just standing around talking to your friends while your child hits the ball doesn't show the child you care. It shows them that you care enough to come, but only because you have to.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Family Ties

 Many times in life you find yourself at a standstill.  You have goals, but no idea how to start achieving them.  Are you looking to lose weight? Learn to eat healthier?  Do you need someone to help you out in the motivation department? If so, I have just the person for you!!!!!!!! (man do I sound like a HSN chick! LOL)

I just wanted to take a moment to give a shoutout to my cousin Rita. She is an amazing woman who has come so far in life! She has recently lost over 100 pounds!!!!! She is such an inspiration and also is a motivated Beach Body coach!!!  So I thought I would share with everyone her website, which will also become a permanent link on my side bar.

So check it out!!!

She also is an Avon consultant so if you need anything from Avon, check her out!!!!
AVON Representative

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Support Your Farmers Markets!!!

This is such a huge deal for everyone. I wish more people would take the time to go visit their local farmer's markets. You can find such amazing food and at great prices! Fresh fruit, veggies, herbs and there are sometimes even things like meat and eggs there. Everyone needs to take the time to go visit at least once a month and stock up on fresh food. Many of these places support organic and local growing so gather the family and head down to the local farmer's markets!!!

Friday, May 28, 2010

Mental Thinking

I know that the last few years I constantly have put goals out there and then turned my back on them and walked away. I look back and regret that with everything I had handed to me, I walked away from the changes that I so desperately want and need.

For the last two weeks every night before bed I say to myself that I am going to get up early and do my work outs, yoga, something anything.  But when the alarm goes off, I find myself shutting it off and sleeping that much longer. And then I spend the rest of the day hating myself for not doing what I wanted.  So that night I do the same thing, but again, I find myself rolling back into bed and not caring.  And every day I hate myself more and more and more because I can't even get up in the morning and work out like I know I need to.  And here I sit, at 140 in the morning, watching Biggest Loser and feeling the hurt and the pain that these people have gone through. They were given a gift and they used it to their full potential. I was given a gift not only once, but like three times. And each time I just flushed it down.

And sitting here knowing that I have the tools necessary to make the life changes I want, is making me sick to my stomach that I can't even get up to do it.  If I can't do this for myself, when will I ever be able to show my kids that I did something I set out to do. 

Weight loss and getting healthy is not just a physical situation. Everything you need is pure mental.  If you want something, all you have to do is fight for it. And that is what I plan to do. I have to do this. I need to do this. All of my life I have been the person to want to do something and then not care enough to do it.  I told myself that this was the moment. This was it. If I am going to do this, now is the time to do it.  I am not going to get up in the morning and work out only because its already 2am and I need to get sleep first.  But tomorrow after work we are celebrating the last day of school by going out to eat. And my choices I make tomorrow will either make or break me. And I refuse to continue to let it break me.  Here is to a new tomorrow. I want to get pregnant so badly for my guys and I want to be healthy doing it. So my first goal is 10 pounds by July 1st. 

HERE WE GO!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Garden time!!!

So now that I am almost done with the garden I thought I would share what we are doing this year!!

The kids are super excited about the garden and love getting in the dirt with mom.  Last year we had a nice garden, but because I was working two jobs, it was poorly taken care of and I didn't get near as much out of it as I wanted. So this year, now that I have a bit more free time, I am diving right in and growing all sorts of goodies!!!

So this year our list includes for veggies:
green beans
tomato plant
for the fruits this year we decided just to keep the strawberry patch
and for my herb garden this year:
cat grass





We should have a pretty good crop this year and I can't wait to watch it start to grow. Our strawberry patch is blooming already and is huge this year!! Two weeks ago I planted most of the herbs. Tonight we did the carrots and onions and tomorrow night I will finish up with the green beans and dill and cat grass. The kids helped dig the rows, place the seeds, cover and top with organic natural fertilizer.  This is locally made and extremely safe for kids and pets. There are NO chemicals and it is really plant friendly. The stuff works amazing!!!

I am super excited to get to see how the herbs turn out. Last year I did a batch of basil and it has been amazing to cook with. I am even more excited now that I have some really good herbs going and can't wait to start cooking with fresh herbs out of the garden!!!!!  I also can't wait to get to the local farmer's market this year to take advantage of fresh, locally grown fruits and veggies. More people need to get down to the farmer's markets and buy from them. Almost all of the them are organic, chemical free and great tasting locally grown food.  Can't ask for better!!!

If we all took advantage of local farmer's markets to buy our fruits and veggies, this would save a ton of fuel every year for the transportation of fruits and veggies across the country. And now with recent studies showing that certain pesticides cause ADHD in children, you can bet I am not buying my fruits and veggies from our local store again.  People need to start paying attention to what they eat, read labels, check out where your food comes from. Grow your own in your yard. If you live in an area where you don't have room for a big garden, look into community gardens. These are places where you can rent spaces to build a garden. Most of the time people will have it all ready to go for you, you just need to get in there and plant and take care of the crops.

Monday, May 17, 2010

The Program

To a four year old, things that are exciting can be something out of this world. For my daughter, it was THE PROGAM.

The history......................

Back when Damon was in preschool, Lili was just the tag along. When Damon had school events, she would come with me and watch from the sidelines with me, never getting to participate.  We started Damon in a 3 year old preschool class in which he was in heaven. He enjoyed every single day of preschool. And in the spring, at the end of the school year, they hosted a program for the kids. Each class would sing 2-3 songs and it was just a fun thing for the kids to do at the end of the year to show their progress.  Our school tapes the programs and sells the dvds to the family for a small price. 

We tried to enroll Lili in the same class when she turned three. However, she failed to enjoy the class like Damon did. She cried every day when I dropped her off. She hated it. So after a month we pulled her out. That was Damon's year in the four year preschool class.   His teacher is who Lili has currently.

Well, at the end of the year they hosted the program again. This time, Lili became infatuated with the program. And I am not talking just a normal healthy love for the music. This girl was OBSESSED! She watched the dvd day in and day out. She knew all of the lyrics to all of the songs, including the hand motions. She knew which class did which song and everything.

Fast forward to this fall. We enrolled her in the four year old preschool program and Damon moved to Kindergarten.  She was lucky enough to get the same teacher that Damon had.  And in the first few weeks, the teacher wore a beautiful necklace to school. And only my daughter recognized the necklace as the one she had worn the night of the program the previous spring. I am not joking. She ran up to the teacher and said (and I quote) "Mrs. H, Mrs. wore that necklace at the program!!!!"  And Mrs. H was BLOWN away that she remembered that.  So I had to explain how amazed she was for the program and how I think the only reason she came back to preschool was because she wanted to be in that program! LOL

So fast forward to this spring......the program has arrived. They have been practicing songs for months now. She let it slip which songs they were doing, so I was able to find video clips on YouTube for her to watch and help her do the hand motions. The big day arrives......

She gets to get all dolled up, hair cut and all. She puts on her pretty red dress and matching shoes. I put just a hint of make up on just to make her feel extra special. She is glowing like this is her wedding day! I am not joking!! She has been waiting all year to do this program.

We all gather in the auditorium and wait for the kids to come on stage. The lights go dim, the music starts and here they come!! They march down to the stage singing a song together. Lili never looked so proud!

The kids all did  a really great job!!!!  Lili's class sang the songs "I am a Pizza" and "Slippery Fish".  She did everything perfect!!!! We could hear her from where we sat and we were so very proud!!!

On the way home, I mentioned that now that she would be going to kindergarten, she would never have another preschool program and she got a look on her face that was so funny. She looked at me and said, yes I will next year. And I had to remind her that she won't be in preschool next year but in Kindergarten. I explained that she would have a graduation from Kindergarten and that she would have a program for that and then everything was fine again.

It has now been 2 weeks since the program and we finally got the DVD back from her teacher. And of course, we watch it every single day! She is so proud of herself for singing and being a good girl on stage. But she loves to watch her friends even more.

I can't believe that this is it. My babies are all out of preschool.  School comes to an end next week and we will say good bye to preschool and hello Kindergarten!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Soccer Mom

Since I first found out I was pregnant seven years ago this month, I have always been excited for the time period in which I would get to be the soccer mom. And we are finally here!!!! Damon started soccer last month and has been playing every Saturday morning. They have only won one game, but none of them really care. They have all had a blast playing and it is so neat to see Damon be on a team.

He started practice back in April. They have practice two times a week on Tuesday and Thursday. At first, I wanted to stick around and make sure he was being good during practice, but by week 2, I realized that it was just me that needed to be there. So I started just leaving him at practice and going for a walk, or to the park with Lili.  He is much better without me there.

Game days are so much fun!!!  He has his cleats and shin guards on and his team shirt. They have a huddle at the beginning of the game and then they all just play their hardest. They are really very good about not using hands and making sure to keep the ball on their side of the field.  Goalie is a difficult position at this age, but Damon really enjoys playing goalie.

His first game you could see the nervous feelings on his face. But he got out on the field and never let us down. He plays fair and really just gets into the game.  He loves to play all the positions and by the fourth quarter, he is pooped from all the running.

I am so proud that I am raising a child to be a team player and one that doesn't worry about winning or losing. He is there to have fun!

There are only two games left of the season and this soccer mom is already going to miss it!  I am hoping that next year he will want to go out again, but it will not be forced. Lili will be of age to play as well, so we may have two little soccer stars in the family!!!




I am finally getting a chance to get back into the blogging world. I have missed it so very much.  So let's catch up.

Back in February I got a great job offer to work in the town we live in. After living here for 9 years, I finally got a job here in town! I quit my job that I was driving 30 miles one way to and started my new job. I really really enjoy what I do now. The only downside is that I work days.  Its great for the kids but for me, its been a pain in the butt.  I work from 8 to 5.  Which makes the night go by so quickly. After supper, playing and baths, its already 10pm and then I have laundry and homework to do.

Homework.....yep still in college. I am on my third set of classes since starting last fall. We go all summer long and soon I will graduate! And it is so much cheaper than going to a four year school. I love college and really glad that I did this!

Kids are doing great. Damon has been playing soccer this spring. He loves it and really is good!! We have games every Saturday morning and his final game is on May 22nd.  That is the day after he graduates from Kindergarten!!!! WOW my baby is growing up!  He will be seven this year and its crazy to think that seven years go this month we found out we were expecting. I still remember the phone call I made to my mother in law. I had to call her from work in Sioux City to tell her cause I was afraid she would be mad. Seven years later and four grandkids later, she is still as happy as that first day she held Damon.

Liliann finishes preschool in a few weeks. I know I will cry. Her teacher has been in our "family" since Damon had her last year. She has been nothing but an angel and we are blessed to have had her in our children's lives. She is amazing and I wish that every kid could have a teacher like her. This world would be a much better place if all teachers had her positive teaching ideas and her amazing attitude!! I will miss her very much.  Lili had her school program...I plan on doing a blog post just about that, because it was soooo awesome!!

Ryan got a new bike. Well...not new, but he traded a friend.  His friend wanted a bike for his wife so he gave Ryan his big bike and Ryan got rid of his smaller one. So now we have a nice big bike that is roomy and rides like a dream. We've only really ridden once this year, it still hasn't really warmed up enough to ride yet.

And....let's see.............what else.....oh yea....I am matched again for a surrogacy journey. After everything that happened before Christmas, I really never thought I would get a chance to do this again.  I let many people down and felt like maybe it would never happen. But the surrogacy bug has bitten down and won't let go. So I did some soul searching, had some very long talks with Ryan and we decided that if I do this, it will be the last time. SO I rushed online and talked to some people and found myself with a great agency. They sent me a profile of a set of IF's and we have been talking ever since. They are great guys and I can't wait to make them daddies!!!!

That seems to be it for now...gotta get some homework done.....

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Children and their hopes

When I was a child, I told everyone that my goal in life was to be a mom. I wanted to have lots of kids, raise them on a farm where there was tons of room to play.  I wanted to have horses and teach them to ride.  I wanted a husband who was not only a great partner in life, but an amazing father, but hot and knew how to dance and sing. Yes, those were my requirements.
Today, Liliann came into the bedroom as Ryan and I were watching CSI. She had two of her baby dolls in her arms, with her pretend diaper bag and both of the babies in matching outfits. She wanted me to notice that they had on matching dresses. I asked her, do you want 2 babies like that at a time?  She said yep, when I get to be a grownup I am going to grow babies in my belly and have two.  But then she took it back and said, no I just want pretend babies.  I about died!  Yep, two real babies at the same time is hard work.  She said she liked pretend babies better.
I actually looked at Ryan and said we are going to have pretend babies as grandchildren! LOL He laughed and said yea sure.  I just had to chuckle that at 26, I was actually thinking about becoming a grandmother.  What in the world is wrong with me!?  But we got a good laugh out of the deal.
Then later we were talking to Lili about preschool.  Ryan asked her if she was sad that she didn't have preschool. She looked at him and with a very definate shake of the head said no.  I like staying home she claimed.  I told Ryan, she is going to be just like you. Goes to school because she has to. Damon on the other hand, loves to go to school and is totally bummed when they don't have school. He loves school and enjoys everything about it. From lunch to recess, from art to music. He just loves it!! I wish I could secretly watch him all day. See how he interacts with the teacher and his classmates. Watch as he raises his hand to answer questions and watch as he enjoys lunch with his friends. See who he plays with at recess and what activities he likes to do in art.  I want him to grasp this liking of school and hopefully he carries it with him clear up through college.
I loved school. Always did.  But I became lazy because the people I hung out with were not good in school. Some where, but not all.  So instead of busting my butt and proving myself. I did what was required and stayed "cool" with my friends. I got great grades. And honestly only did really crappy on purpose. Like gym.  I failed it. Why you ask, its just gym?  I didn't go. Not once. I hated gym. I wanted to be in music.  I hated the PE teacher. Thought the games were crap and so I didn't go. I went to the band room instead and worked on independent music theory.

Ryan on the other hand went to school only because it was mandatory. He didn't hate it, but it bored him. He would much rather work than go to school. 
I missed it so much I went back! LOL I am currently enrolled in college and love that I get to use my brain again. Although there are days where I just look at the screen and groan cause I have to try and get through another essay or stupid quiz.  But I know that I need to get through this so I can have my degree in accounting. I want to be able to move up instead of just sitting here. I don't want to be stuck in a crap job for 20 years doing the same thing as when I first started. I want to move up and better myself and have better opportunities for my family. I want to be able to put my kids through college if they want to go. I want to make sure they can go out for sports or band and not have to worry about every single event being a financial issue.
And this week made those dreams much more of a reality.  On Wednesday, I had an interview at a business located right in the town I live in. I have been trying since 2002 to get on some place in town so I wouldn't have to drive. It is now 2010. Eight years it took.  But I finally have a job in town. I had the interview and an hour, AN HOUR later they called me and let me know they chose me!!! I was freaking so excited!!!
Sadly, I have to put in notice here where I am at currently.  I really hate having to tell people that I don't want to be here anymore. I hate knowing that because I am leaving, other people's schedules are going to be completely out of whack. I hate feeling guilty that I am causing issues for other people. But honestly, I have to think of not only my family, but myself as well. I need to make sure that I don't pass on this opportunity because it means a huge change for the family. I will be home every single night with my husband and kids. I will get to see every single one of their events at school and any sports they will play. I missed every single tball game last summer. It was my son's first year and I was heartbroken that I couldn't take just one night off to watch him play. But because of my hours, its hard to get replaced when I need the time off.  For example, let's look at earlier this week. On Friday I had asked off for Tuesday night, knowing I had my interview on Wednesday morning. I didn't want to get home between 2-3am and have to be up for the kids to go to school at 730 and then head to my interview looking like crap. Well they got pissy about not giving them enough time notice. That kind of crap irritates the piss out of me because I didn't know 2 weeks ahead of time that this was going to happen. Things come up.  And just like right now.  Someone who doesn't even work in this department, tries to do my job for me, because he is bored and has nothing else better to do.  While the help should be appreciated, it isn't. I am bored out of my mind (hence the long blog post) and other people beat me to my own job. I mean COME FREAKING ON!  And I can't say anything to anyone because he is the "pet" of the supervisor's up here in this office and his daddy has worked here 20 years.
Anyways...I just get so frustrated with small things like that. Even though I know the grass is not greener on the other side as well. There are going to be things at the new job that will irritate me. But I know that this is something I can do and work my way up out of. I know that I can make this a career.  I honestly thought that this job I have right now was going to be the career of my life. But because of the drive and the hours, I knew that at somepoint it was going to come to an end.  I thought it would be a few years out. Only because I never thought I would get an opportunity like I got this week this soon. I really thought it would be after I got my degree that I would finally land a job in my town.
So that goes to show ya...never stop hoping. Never give up. Know that sometimes, positive things do happen if you want them to. You just have to be patient and know that things will happen when they are supposed to.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


Today is Monday, February 1st. Wow how things have changed in a year.  Last year at this time, I was so.....lost but yet knowing where I wanted to be.  I knew that I had to overcome the codependency issues I was having and I knew that I wanted to strength my marriage and my family by growing myself into a better person.
I am now a full time college student working on my degree. I have a full time job with amazing benefits, including tuition reimbursement that helps pay for the degree.  Ryan and I have been communicating 10x more than we ever have in our marriage and I am thankful for that.  I am still unstable. I still need help. But I know now that turning my back on my problems will get me no where. I need to stand tall and fight back against the power.
One of my resolutions I set at the beginning of the year was to get myself healthy and lose weight.  I can hear you saying, but everyone says that.  Well you're right. Everyone does set goals like that at the beginning of the year.  I set that same goal last year.  At one point I was losing weight, but after the depression sank in, I didn't go anywhere with that goal.  And so this year I am getting ready to surpass that goal.  I have been chosen to represent our town in a 6 person Extreme Weightloss Competition that starts this Thursday. I go for my meeting on Thursday and get weighed in and do all the measurements and such. I am extremely excited about this and can't wait to start kicking some butt and looking great and FEELING great. I have been so tired and run down over the last 2 months that I need energy, I need something like this to get me going. And to be chosen is such an honor!! I get a free pass to all the classes going on down at the rec center and it's all followed on the radio. I will post the website so you guys can follow my journey and see how well I do!!!
Well, better do an update on everyone since it is a new year and a new month.
Damon is doing amazing in school. He loves to go and has hated that they have missed so much school this year due to weather. First it was blizzards and then ice storms and then fog and then more blizzard and then more ice.  Iowa has been crazy this year for winter weather.  He had a great 6th birthday, enjoying bowling with five of his friends from school.  He has been enjoying all the gifts from Christmas, especially the Wii they got.  He is learning to read and struggling with tying his shoes.  He does really well with numbers and also with art.  He struggles with leadership skills, which I had to chuckle about because I believe in my kindergarten book it talks about my issues with being a leader and being "bossy" I think is the exact word to describe me.  Damon takes after me a lot!  Especially when it comes to school. Lili takes after her dad. She goes because she has to, enjoys her time and then comes home.  He is getting very excited for spring to come so he can head outside and play again.
Liliann is growing up so fast.  A year ago you couldn't understand half of what was coming out of her mouth. Now, after speech therapy sessions, her speech is getting so much better and she takes the time to say the words instead of just rushing through what she wants to say. She has grown so tall and beautiful in just a year. She is going to be a rebel though that one. She is very tough, knows what she wants and when she wants it. She has to be in charge...sadly, she gets that from me as well. The feeling of always having to be in control.  Hopefully she learns to harness that power and use it in a positive way instead of letting it be something that holds her back in life.
Ryan is still at Gomaco on the loading dock.  He is very ready for spring so he can ride again.
That is pretty much it on the update front. 

Friday, January 29, 2010



After a while of taking some time off due to personal healing...I am back!!!!!! And super excited about it too! I will start posting again on Monday, taking the weekend off from the computer except for homework.