Mental Thinking

I know that the last few years I constantly have put goals out there and then turned my back on them and walked away. I look back and regret that with everything I had handed to me, I walked away from the changes that I so desperately want and need.

For the last two weeks every night before bed I say to myself that I am going to get up early and do my work outs, yoga, something anything.  But when the alarm goes off, I find myself shutting it off and sleeping that much longer. And then I spend the rest of the day hating myself for not doing what I wanted.  So that night I do the same thing, but again, I find myself rolling back into bed and not caring.  And every day I hate myself more and more and more because I can't even get up in the morning and work out like I know I need to.  And here I sit, at 140 in the morning, watching Biggest Loser and feeling the hurt and the pain that these people have gone through. They were given a gift and they used it to their full potential. I was given a gift not only once, but like three times. And each time I just flushed it down.

And sitting here knowing that I have the tools necessary to make the life changes I want, is making me sick to my stomach that I can't even get up to do it.  If I can't do this for myself, when will I ever be able to show my kids that I did something I set out to do. 

Weight loss and getting healthy is not just a physical situation. Everything you need is pure mental.  If you want something, all you have to do is fight for it. And that is what I plan to do. I have to do this. I need to do this. All of my life I have been the person to want to do something and then not care enough to do it.  I told myself that this was the moment. This was it. If I am going to do this, now is the time to do it.  I am not going to get up in the morning and work out only because its already 2am and I need to get sleep first.  But tomorrow after work we are celebrating the last day of school by going out to eat. And my choices I make tomorrow will either make or break me. And I refuse to continue to let it break me.  Here is to a new tomorrow. I want to get pregnant so badly for my guys and I want to be healthy doing it. So my first goal is 10 pounds by July 1st. 

HERE WE GO!!!!!!!!!!