Motherhood and Beyond

To be a mom is the most rewarding job in the whole world. But it can also be the most difficult. Motherhood and Beyond is peeping into the world of being a mom, but at the same time a wife, a friend and much more. Life doesn't always go easy and some may not know it now, but there is nothing more precious than life. So I welcome you to join us. Follow in our daily routines, our special activities and just enjoy the ride!! TO MOTHERHOOD AND BEYOND!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Children and their hopes

When I was a child, I told everyone that my goal in life was to be a mom. I wanted to have lots of kids, raise them on a farm where there was tons of room to play.  I wanted to have horses and teach them to ride.  I wanted a husband who was not only a great partner in life, but an amazing father, but hot and knew how to dance and sing. Yes, those were my requirements.
Today, Liliann came into the bedroom as Ryan and I were watching CSI. She had two of her baby dolls in her arms, with her pretend diaper bag and both of the babies in matching outfits. She wanted me to notice that they had on matching dresses. I asked her, do you want 2 babies like that at a time?  She said yep, when I get to be a grownup I am going to grow babies in my belly and have two.  But then she took it back and said, no I just want pretend babies.  I about died!  Yep, two real babies at the same time is hard work.  She said she liked pretend babies better.
I actually looked at Ryan and said we are going to have pretend babies as grandchildren! LOL He laughed and said yea sure.  I just had to chuckle that at 26, I was actually thinking about becoming a grandmother.  What in the world is wrong with me!?  But we got a good laugh out of the deal.
Then later we were talking to Lili about preschool.  Ryan asked her if she was sad that she didn't have preschool. She looked at him and with a very definate shake of the head said no.  I like staying home she claimed.  I told Ryan, she is going to be just like you. Goes to school because she has to. Damon on the other hand, loves to go to school and is totally bummed when they don't have school. He loves school and enjoys everything about it. From lunch to recess, from art to music. He just loves it!! I wish I could secretly watch him all day. See how he interacts with the teacher and his classmates. Watch as he raises his hand to answer questions and watch as he enjoys lunch with his friends. See who he plays with at recess and what activities he likes to do in art.  I want him to grasp this liking of school and hopefully he carries it with him clear up through college.
I loved school. Always did.  But I became lazy because the people I hung out with were not good in school. Some where, but not all.  So instead of busting my butt and proving myself. I did what was required and stayed "cool" with my friends. I got great grades. And honestly only did really crappy on purpose. Like gym.  I failed it. Why you ask, its just gym?  I didn't go. Not once. I hated gym. I wanted to be in music.  I hated the PE teacher. Thought the games were crap and so I didn't go. I went to the band room instead and worked on independent music theory.

Ryan on the other hand went to school only because it was mandatory. He didn't hate it, but it bored him. He would much rather work than go to school. 
I missed it so much I went back! LOL I am currently enrolled in college and love that I get to use my brain again. Although there are days where I just look at the screen and groan cause I have to try and get through another essay or stupid quiz.  But I know that I need to get through this so I can have my degree in accounting. I want to be able to move up instead of just sitting here. I don't want to be stuck in a crap job for 20 years doing the same thing as when I first started. I want to move up and better myself and have better opportunities for my family. I want to be able to put my kids through college if they want to go. I want to make sure they can go out for sports or band and not have to worry about every single event being a financial issue.
And this week made those dreams much more of a reality.  On Wednesday, I had an interview at a business located right in the town I live in. I have been trying since 2002 to get on some place in town so I wouldn't have to drive. It is now 2010. Eight years it took.  But I finally have a job in town. I had the interview and an hour, AN HOUR later they called me and let me know they chose me!!! I was freaking so excited!!!
Sadly, I have to put in notice here where I am at currently.  I really hate having to tell people that I don't want to be here anymore. I hate knowing that because I am leaving, other people's schedules are going to be completely out of whack. I hate feeling guilty that I am causing issues for other people. But honestly, I have to think of not only my family, but myself as well. I need to make sure that I don't pass on this opportunity because it means a huge change for the family. I will be home every single night with my husband and kids. I will get to see every single one of their events at school and any sports they will play. I missed every single tball game last summer. It was my son's first year and I was heartbroken that I couldn't take just one night off to watch him play. But because of my hours, its hard to get replaced when I need the time off.  For example, let's look at earlier this week. On Friday I had asked off for Tuesday night, knowing I had my interview on Wednesday morning. I didn't want to get home between 2-3am and have to be up for the kids to go to school at 730 and then head to my interview looking like crap. Well they got pissy about not giving them enough time notice. That kind of crap irritates the piss out of me because I didn't know 2 weeks ahead of time that this was going to happen. Things come up.  And just like right now.  Someone who doesn't even work in this department, tries to do my job for me, because he is bored and has nothing else better to do.  While the help should be appreciated, it isn't. I am bored out of my mind (hence the long blog post) and other people beat me to my own job. I mean COME FREAKING ON!  And I can't say anything to anyone because he is the "pet" of the supervisor's up here in this office and his daddy has worked here 20 years.
Anyways...I just get so frustrated with small things like that. Even though I know the grass is not greener on the other side as well. There are going to be things at the new job that will irritate me. But I know that this is something I can do and work my way up out of. I know that I can make this a career.  I honestly thought that this job I have right now was going to be the career of my life. But because of the drive and the hours, I knew that at somepoint it was going to come to an end.  I thought it would be a few years out. Only because I never thought I would get an opportunity like I got this week this soon. I really thought it would be after I got my degree that I would finally land a job in my town.
So that goes to show ya...never stop hoping. Never give up. Know that sometimes, positive things do happen if you want them to. You just have to be patient and know that things will happen when they are supposed to.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010


Today is Monday, February 1st. Wow how things have changed in a year.  Last year at this time, I was so.....lost but yet knowing where I wanted to be.  I knew that I had to overcome the codependency issues I was having and I knew that I wanted to strength my marriage and my family by growing myself into a better person.
I am now a full time college student working on my degree. I have a full time job with amazing benefits, including tuition reimbursement that helps pay for the degree.  Ryan and I have been communicating 10x more than we ever have in our marriage and I am thankful for that.  I am still unstable. I still need help. But I know now that turning my back on my problems will get me no where. I need to stand tall and fight back against the power.
One of my resolutions I set at the beginning of the year was to get myself healthy and lose weight.  I can hear you saying, but everyone says that.  Well you're right. Everyone does set goals like that at the beginning of the year.  I set that same goal last year.  At one point I was losing weight, but after the depression sank in, I didn't go anywhere with that goal.  And so this year I am getting ready to surpass that goal.  I have been chosen to represent our town in a 6 person Extreme Weightloss Competition that starts this Thursday. I go for my meeting on Thursday and get weighed in and do all the measurements and such. I am extremely excited about this and can't wait to start kicking some butt and looking great and FEELING great. I have been so tired and run down over the last 2 months that I need energy, I need something like this to get me going. And to be chosen is such an honor!! I get a free pass to all the classes going on down at the rec center and it's all followed on the radio. I will post the website so you guys can follow my journey and see how well I do!!!
Well, better do an update on everyone since it is a new year and a new month.
Damon is doing amazing in school. He loves to go and has hated that they have missed so much school this year due to weather. First it was blizzards and then ice storms and then fog and then more blizzard and then more ice.  Iowa has been crazy this year for winter weather.  He had a great 6th birthday, enjoying bowling with five of his friends from school.  He has been enjoying all the gifts from Christmas, especially the Wii they got.  He is learning to read and struggling with tying his shoes.  He does really well with numbers and also with art.  He struggles with leadership skills, which I had to chuckle about because I believe in my kindergarten book it talks about my issues with being a leader and being "bossy" I think is the exact word to describe me.  Damon takes after me a lot!  Especially when it comes to school. Lili takes after her dad. She goes because she has to, enjoys her time and then comes home.  He is getting very excited for spring to come so he can head outside and play again.
Liliann is growing up so fast.  A year ago you couldn't understand half of what was coming out of her mouth. Now, after speech therapy sessions, her speech is getting so much better and she takes the time to say the words instead of just rushing through what she wants to say. She has grown so tall and beautiful in just a year. She is going to be a rebel though that one. She is very tough, knows what she wants and when she wants it. She has to be in charge...sadly, she gets that from me as well. The feeling of always having to be in control.  Hopefully she learns to harness that power and use it in a positive way instead of letting it be something that holds her back in life.
Ryan is still at Gomaco on the loading dock.  He is very ready for spring so he can ride again.
That is pretty much it on the update front.