Mental Thinking

I know that the last few years I constantly have put goals out there and then turned my back on them and walked away. I look back and regret that with everything I had handed to me, I walked away from the changes that I so desperately want and need.

For the last two weeks every night before bed I say to myself that I am going to get up early and do my work outs, yoga, something anything.  But when the alarm goes off, I find myself shutting it off and sleeping that much longer. And then I spend the rest of the day hating myself for not doing what I wanted.  So that night I do the same thing, but again, I find myself rolling back into bed and not caring.  And every day I hate myself more and more and more because I can't even get up in the morning and work out like I know I need to.  And here I sit, at 140 in the morning, watching Biggest Loser and feeling the hurt and the pain that these people have gone through. They were given a gift and they used it to their full potential. I was given a gift not only once, but like three times. And each time I just flushed it down.

And sitting here knowing that I have the tools necessary to make the life changes I want, is making me sick to my stomach that I can't even get up to do it.  If I can't do this for myself, when will I ever be able to show my kids that I did something I set out to do. 

Weight loss and getting healthy is not just a physical situation. Everything you need is pure mental.  If you want something, all you have to do is fight for it. And that is what I plan to do. I have to do this. I need to do this. All of my life I have been the person to want to do something and then not care enough to do it.  I told myself that this was the moment. This was it. If I am going to do this, now is the time to do it.  I am not going to get up in the morning and work out only because its already 2am and I need to get sleep first.  But tomorrow after work we are celebrating the last day of school by going out to eat. And my choices I make tomorrow will either make or break me. And I refuse to continue to let it break me.  Here is to a new tomorrow. I want to get pregnant so badly for my guys and I want to be healthy doing it. So my first goal is 10 pounds by July 1st. 

HERE WE GO!!!!!!!!!!

Garden time!!!

So now that I am almost done with the garden I thought I would share what we are doing this year!!

The kids are super excited about the garden and love getting in the dirt with mom.  Last year we had a nice garden, but because I was working two jobs, it was poorly taken care of and I didn't get near as much out of it as I wanted. So this year, now that I have a bit more free time, I am diving right in and growing all sorts of goodies!!!

So this year our list includes for veggies:
green beans
onions
lettuce
carrots
tomato plant
radishs
for the fruits this year we decided just to keep the strawberry patch
and for my herb garden this year:
thyme
rosemary
basil
lavender
cat grass
cilantro
dill

LAVENDER

 ROSEMARY

STRAWBERRY PATCH

 SWEET BASIL

 THYME

 
We should have a pretty good crop this year and I can't wait to watch it start to grow. Our strawberry patch is blooming already and is huge this year!! Two weeks ago I planted most of the herbs. Tonight we did the carrots and onions and tomorrow night I will finish up with the green beans and dill and cat grass. The kids helped dig the rows, place the seeds, cover and top with organic natural fertilizer.  This is locally made and extremely safe for kids and pets. There are NO chemicals and it is really plant friendly. The stuff works amazing!!!

I am super excited to get to see how the herbs turn out. Last year I did a batch of basil and it has been amazing to cook with. I am even more excited now that I have some really good herbs going and can't wait to start cooking with fresh herbs out of the garden!!!!!  I also can't wait to get to the local farmer's market this year to take advantage of fresh, locally grown fruits and veggies. More people need to get down to the farmer's markets and buy from them. Almost all of the them are organic, chemical free and great tasting locally grown food.  Can't ask for better!!!

If we all took advantage of local farmer's markets to buy our fruits and veggies, this would save a ton of fuel every year for the transportation of fruits and veggies across the country. And now with recent studies showing that certain pesticides cause ADHD in children, you can bet I am not buying my fruits and veggies from our local store again.  People need to start paying attention to what they eat, read labels, check out where your food comes from. Grow your own in your yard. If you live in an area where you don't have room for a big garden, look into community gardens. These are places where you can rent spaces to build a garden. Most of the time people will have it all ready to go for you, you just need to get in there and plant and take care of the crops.

The Program

To a four year old, things that are exciting can be something out of this world. For my daughter, it was THE PROGAM.

The history......................

Back when Damon was in preschool, Lili was just the tag along. When Damon had school events, she would come with me and watch from the sidelines with me, never getting to participate.  We started Damon in a 3 year old preschool class in which he was in heaven. He enjoyed every single day of preschool. And in the spring, at the end of the school year, they hosted a program for the kids. Each class would sing 2-3 songs and it was just a fun thing for the kids to do at the end of the year to show their progress.  Our school tapes the programs and sells the dvds to the family for a small price. 

We tried to enroll Lili in the same class when she turned three. However, she failed to enjoy the class like Damon did. She cried every day when I dropped her off. She hated it. So after a month we pulled her out. That was Damon's year in the four year preschool class.   His teacher is who Lili has currently.

Well, at the end of the year they hosted the program again. This time, Lili became infatuated with the program. And I am not talking just a normal healthy love for the music. This girl was OBSESSED! She watched the dvd day in and day out. She knew all of the lyrics to all of the songs, including the hand motions. She knew which class did which song and everything.

Fast forward to this fall. We enrolled her in the four year old preschool program and Damon moved to Kindergarten.  She was lucky enough to get the same teacher that Damon had.  And in the first few weeks, the teacher wore a beautiful necklace to school. And only my daughter recognized the necklace as the one she had worn the night of the program the previous spring. I am not joking. She ran up to the teacher and said (and I quote) "Mrs. H, Mrs. H.....you wore that necklace at the program!!!!"  And Mrs. H was BLOWN away that she remembered that.  So I had to explain how amazed she was for the program and how I think the only reason she came back to preschool was because she wanted to be in that program! LOL

So fast forward to this spring......the program has arrived. They have been practicing songs for months now. She let it slip which songs they were doing, so I was able to find video clips on YouTube for her to watch and help her do the hand motions. The big day arrives......


She gets to get all dolled up, hair cut and all. She puts on her pretty red dress and matching shoes. I put just a hint of make up on just to make her feel extra special. She is glowing like this is her wedding day! I am not joking!! She has been waiting all year to do this program.

We all gather in the auditorium and wait for the kids to come on stage. The lights go dim, the music starts and here they come!! They march down to the stage singing a song together. Lili never looked so proud!

The kids all did  a really great job!!!!  Lili's class sang the songs "I am a Pizza" and "Slippery Fish".  She did everything perfect!!!! We could hear her from where we sat and we were so very proud!!!

On the way home, I mentioned that now that she would be going to kindergarten, she would never have another preschool program and she got a look on her face that was so funny. She looked at me and said, yes I will next year. And I had to remind her that she won't be in preschool next year but in Kindergarten. I explained that she would have a graduation from Kindergarten and that she would have a program for that and then everything was fine again.

It has now been 2 weeks since the program and we finally got the DVD back from her teacher. And of course, we watch it every single day! She is so proud of herself for singing and being a good girl on stage. But she loves to watch her friends even more.

I can't believe that this is it. My babies are all out of preschool.  School comes to an end next week and we will say good bye to preschool and hello Kindergarten!

Soccer Mom

Since I first found out I was pregnant seven years ago this month, I have always been excited for the time period in which I would get to be the soccer mom. And we are finally here!!!! Damon started soccer last month and has been playing every Saturday morning. They have only won one game, but none of them really care. They have all had a blast playing and it is so neat to see Damon be on a team.

He started practice back in April. They have practice two times a week on Tuesday and Thursday. At first, I wanted to stick around and make sure he was being good during practice, but by week 2, I realized that it was just me that needed to be there. So I started just leaving him at practice and going for a walk, or to the park with Lili.  He is much better without me there.

Game days are so much fun!!!  He has his cleats and shin guards on and his team shirt. They have a huddle at the beginning of the game and then they all just play their hardest. They are really very good about not using hands and making sure to keep the ball on their side of the field.  Goalie is a difficult position at this age, but Damon really enjoys playing goalie.

His first game you could see the nervous feelings on his face. But he got out on the field and never let us down. He plays fair and really just gets into the game.  He loves to play all the positions and by the fourth quarter, he is pooped from all the running.

I am so proud that I am raising a child to be a team player and one that doesn't worry about winning or losing. He is there to have fun!

There are only two games left of the season and this soccer mom is already going to miss it!  I am hoping that next year he will want to go out again, but it will not be forced. Lili will be of age to play as well, so we may have two little soccer stars in the family!!!

GOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm BAAAACK!!!

FINALLY!!!

I am finally getting a chance to get back into the blogging world. I have missed it so very much.  So let's catch up.

Back in February I got a great job offer to work in the town we live in. After living here for 9 years, I finally got a job here in town! I quit my job that I was driving 30 miles one way to and started my new job. I really really enjoy what I do now. The only downside is that I work days.  Its great for the kids but for me, its been a pain in the butt.  I work from 8 to 5.  Which makes the night go by so quickly. After supper, playing and baths, its already 10pm and then I have laundry and homework to do.

Homework.....yep still in college. I am on my third set of classes since starting last fall. We go all summer long and soon I will graduate! And it is so much cheaper than going to a four year school. I love college and really glad that I did this!

Kids are doing great. Damon has been playing soccer this spring. He loves it and really is good!! We have games every Saturday morning and his final game is on May 22nd.  That is the day after he graduates from Kindergarten!!!! WOW my baby is growing up!  He will be seven this year and its crazy to think that seven years go this month we found out we were expecting. I still remember the phone call I made to my mother in law. I had to call her from work in Sioux City to tell her cause I was afraid she would be mad. Seven years later and four grandkids later, she is still as happy as that first day she held Damon.

Liliann finishes preschool in a few weeks. I know I will cry. Her teacher has been in our "family" since Damon had her last year. She has been nothing but an angel and we are blessed to have had her in our children's lives. She is amazing and I wish that every kid could have a teacher like her. This world would be a much better place if all teachers had her positive teaching ideas and her amazing attitude!! I will miss her very much.  Lili had her school program...I plan on doing a blog post just about that, because it was soooo awesome!!

Ryan got a new bike. Well...not new, but he traded a friend.  His friend wanted a bike for his wife so he gave Ryan his big bike and Ryan got rid of his smaller one. So now we have a nice big bike that is roomy and rides like a dream. We've only really ridden once this year, it still hasn't really warmed up enough to ride yet.

And....let's see.............what else.....oh yea....I am matched again for a surrogacy journey. After everything that happened before Christmas, I really never thought I would get a chance to do this again.  I let many people down and felt like maybe it would never happen. But the surrogacy bug has bitten down and won't let go. So I did some soul searching, had some very long talks with Ryan and we decided that if I do this, it will be the last time. SO I rushed online and talked to some people and found myself with a great agency. They sent me a profile of a set of IF's and we have been talking ever since. They are great guys and I can't wait to make them daddies!!!!

That seems to be it for now...gotta get some homework done.....