Why the blog?
Some people have asked me why I blog. Sometimes I tell them just because I feel like it. But when they ask me why I don't just journal where it stays private, I don't ever have a response. Honestly, I think it is laziness. I don't like to write. I can type mega fast so I can do a blog entry in less than 10 minutes sometimes and not have to work my hands all that much. I can blog from the road, blog from work. I don't have to restrain myself from just journaling. I can talk on many subjects and touch the minds of others.
I had to resetup the blog because of events that led to a bit of drama. I worked on that blog for almost a year. I saved all of it of course and plan on putting it all together into a sort of journal/diary to save for the kids to read when they are older and I am gone. I want them to know me, not just as their mother, but as a person. Someone who not only cared about what they ate, when they took a bath or how they did on their homework. I want them to see me with a soul and baring it to the world, unafraid and ready to take on whatever comes my way.
I have made sure that up until this point, they are leading lives different than what mine was. And I don't do that because I am ashamed of my past, the past is what made me into the person I am today. But I do that because every parent wants better for their children. I hope I never have to come home to a crying child because someone at school made fun of them for not having name brand clothes or not being able to go to something because there wasn't money to do so. I want to give my children the world. I want to teach them about life and love, I want their education to not be just school related, I want them to learn about nature, religions, people, life in general. A school can only teach a child lessons put into a book. It takes someone to care to teach things about life. I hope to be the type of mother who can be trusted and not feared. I want my kids to come to me about things, I don't want them to run to someone else. I want them to ask me questions not be scared of how I will answer. I want them to trust me and respect me, but I also want to be able to trust and respect them.
So blogging is my way of showing my children, the past, but today. I want them to be able to read these and remember me. The way I ramble, the way I talk about one subject and move onto something so different in just 2 sentences and the way I thought. I want them to read this after I am gone and be able to hear my voice speaking the words. My children are my love. I blog for them.
But I also blog for me. When I was younger I kept a diary. Though with three other siblings and two protective parents, I am sure that it was read daily by someone other than me. I love to write and recording the things that I think, help my mind clear. Its almost a mini therapy session without the costly couch. So by blogging I am able to freely think, show the world the inside of my head without feeling like I am venting on any one person in particular. And if people follow, I shall continue to write. If nobody follows, I shall continue to write. For I don't write for them. I don't write for the audience. I write for me.