Motherhood and Beyond

To be a mom is the most rewarding job in the whole world. But it can also be the most difficult. Motherhood and Beyond is peeping into the world of being a mom, but at the same time a wife, a friend and much more. Life doesn't always go easy and some may not know it now, but there is nothing more precious than life. So I welcome you to join us. Follow in our daily routines, our special activities and just enjoy the ride!! TO MOTHERHOOD AND BEYOND!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

The end of an era

Back in 2006, I had researched the idea of becoming a surrogate mother. I knew in my heart it was something that I could do, and do well. I knew that helping another family was something I wanted to do. My uterus was laying unused, Ryan and I had decided on just two kids early on in our marriage. We want to be able to give them the world and having more kids was just not something we wanted. So after much research and discussion with Ryan, we decided that we would go ahead and move forward with helping an amazing family have the final piece of their puzzle.  We matched with a great couple in November of 2006 and did our first IUI in January of 2007.  We became pregnant on the first try and a beautiful boy came into this world on October 12, 2007.  They named him Kyle.

Everything about that journey was great. The family was complete and I helped create a dream come true for them.  To this day I get pictures and updates from the family and while the contact isn't perfect, I still get to watch him grow.

After he was born, I went through about 6 weeks of postpartum hell. I was horrified about everything. I couldn't get over the fact that the journey was done. I was emotional and a mess. I never thought I would get pregnant again. I even had my tubes tied so I couldn't get pregnant again.  But in 2008, the surrogacy bug bit me again.

I knew this time I wanted to be a gestational surrogate. My first journey I was a traditional surrogate. The baby was made using my egg and the father's sperm. Thus making the child biologically linked to myself. It is something I will treasure forever. I knew though that this time around if I wanted to get pregnant, it would have to be through IVF, only leaving me with the option of becoming a gestational surrogate. 

I matched with a wonderful local couple from Iowa who had no children. But, my job laid me off due to the surrogacy, the match fell through and I was unable to help them become parents. I have no idea if they ever were able to find another surrogate or ever have kids. I then decided a few months after the failed match that I wanted to go one step further in the surrogacy world and help a couple who physically was unable to get pregnant. I wanted to help a same sex couple have a child. I have many friends who are gay, and wanted to help them become a family unit.

I matched with a great couple from Georgia, and flew down to meet them.  But, due to some very personal issues going on in my life, I had to step away from the match. I was heartbroken about doing it, but I couldn't move on and become pregnant when my life at home was such a mess. I fixed my issues at home, and in my life and when things became stable again, I knew it was time to find a match. However, I was so unsure of going independent because it just seemed so scary. So I went through a matching agency. One where they just match the couples, not babysit like some other bigger agencies do.

And there I found the guys---MY guys! E and R were amazing from the beginning. We knew right away that all us wanted to be together as a surrogate/IP relationship. And so we began. In September of 2010 we transferred three embryos. Sadly, the transfer did not work. And in the IVF world, it just sometimes happens like that. It is very unpredictable and nobody can be sure when it will work. So we set out to try for number two. And in January of 2011, we tried again with three frozen embryos. Sadly, yet again, the transfer did not work.  We were heartbroken, but knew we couldn't give up.

We went very quickly and wanted to try again, and in May of 2011, we set out for a fresh transfer of three embryos. This time it worked!!! We were pregnant with one healthy little bean. But five weeks into the pregnancy, I woke up covered in blood. I rushed to the emergency room to find that I had an SCH right next to where the baby was growing. And I miscarried within hours. I was heartbroken, as were the guys. It seemed like I was flushing their dreams down the toilet, and it hurt so physically and emotionally bad. I had never had to go through something like that and can't imagine doing so multiple times as some couples do in the infertility world.

After a few weeks, we knew we had some embryos left over and we knew we had to go for it again. We changed a few things up this time and had our fourth transfer in November of 2011.  I couldn't wait to pee on a stick, because this time I KNEW it had worked. And sure enough, the first ultrasound showed the possibility of triplets. We were over the moon happy, not only that it had worked, but that we had multiples, something the guys had really wanted to happen. Sadly, yet good at the same time, the triplet never made it past a certain stage and never showed a heartbeat. We were sad, but joyful at the same time as triplet pregnancies can be very dangerous, not only to me, but the babies as well.

TWINS....I was pregnant with twins. And the pregnancy progressed beautifully. We had some struggles with all day sickness, blood pressure and a few illnesses. But other than that, the pregnancy was BEAUTIFUL. I loved having the babies inside, moving around and really growing strong. It was so amazing to know that I was able to make these guys into fathers.

And on July 4th, at 2am, my water broke and the boys were delivered at 6:10am and 6:11am. The guys named them Oded and Yoav. They were beautiful and needed no NICU time or help in any way. they were actually released from the hospital before I was, as I was struggling with some blood pressure problems.

In another week, the guys will be home with their new sons and living life as a new family. No longer a couple, but a family unit together forever. Two dads and their two sons.

I am currently 3 weeks postpartum, and while I am yet again struggling through emotional stuff, I feel amazing for knowing that I did something amazing in my life time. Not only did I get to become a mother of two beautiful children, but I gave birth to three children to help complete two families. I helped them have a dream come true when they were unable to do so for themselves.

And now in July of 2012, exactly 6 years after starting my journey in surrogacy, I am saying goodbye. As much as I would love to be a surrogate again, my body is just not going to be able to do it. My uterus is thin, according to the doctor who did my fourth csection. My mind is emotionally drained from everything that went on over the 6 years in the surrogacy world. And I am ready to move on from being pregnant. My 29th birthday is in just a few weeks. I have set a one year goal to get my body back into shape and healthy from years of abuse (pregnancy) and not taking care of it.

I will always hold surrogacy in the best of light. I will always be proud of what I have done. And I want to be a positive image for future surrogates, not only here in Iowa, but across the world. I want to shed a light on surrogacy that isn't negative, as is constantly done now. I want couples to know there are surrogates out there who are amazing people and won't hurt or scam them. I also want to put an end to scamming surrogates. It would be great to get laws into place protecting not only the couples but the surrogates as well. And I would love to make sure that workforces can't discriminate against surrogates and that health insurance covers the pregnancy without stipulations.

Lots of goals, lots of time. But for now, I just wanted to say goodbye to the chapter of surrogacy in my life. And now begin to move forward with what's looking like a very bright future!

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